Normalish

It took me about a year to observe enough of the social and seating habits of my fellow public transportation patrons to determine the perfect seat on my bus.

The bus I commute on each day is fairly large, so my options are plentiful. I am limited by how busy the bus is, because someone may have already taken my seat. However, in the morning when the bus is at its busiest, my stop is the first of the morning so I have my choice of seats.

There were a few spots I could cross off pretty easily.

First, there is the “priority” seating in the very front of the bus that is reserved for senior citizens and those who are less-abled than I. You are technically allowed to sit there, and they are pretty sweet because of their position near the front of the bus (easy on/off), but if someone more deserving gets on, you need to move. That might happen half-way into my commute when the bus is packed. I may ended up having to stand - oh, the horror.

On a side note, what is up with men offering perfectly able-bodied women there seat? Worse, what is up with the women accepting? That is a post onto itself.

Next to cross of the list are the four seats that are directly behind the mid-bus partition. The leg room is non-existent. And finally, there are two sets of seats that face eachother. Who wants to spend 30-40 minutes staring a stranger in the face. Not me.

This leaves the rest of your typical seats (sets of two seats on each side of the bus facing forward) and finally, five seats all along the back wall of the bus, facing forward, as well.

You might think the rest of these seats are equal, but it is my neurotic observing of peoples habits that would show me otherwise. Most people want the same thing as I do. That is, they want to sit as far away from someone else as possible. But if they have to sit next to someone, they want to only have to sit next to one person. So they would typically want to choose one of the two seaters, unless… the back row has at least a 3 seat gap (meaning that you wouldn’t have anyone directly next to you on either side.

Even better though, is the pièce de résistance of bus seats… The far left (or right) of the last row - assuming there is no one already sitting directly next to it. These are the money seats. Why?

Because once you are sitting there, the next person to sit in the row sits on the other far side, and the next sits in the middle. This leaves two seats on either side of the already taken middle seat. Those are the worst seats because if you sit there you will be flanked by two people. No one wants that, so they avoid those seats at all costs. It is only when there are no seats left that someone will sit there. I have even seen people prefer to stand than take those seats.

You might argue that the middle seat is just as good, but what if people do sit in those two other seats? You are stuck between two people.

In my seat, at the very worst, I might get one person sitting next me. But that happens very rarely.

It is like a little slice of bus heaven.

There are two people in my office building that I avoid like the plague - and that isn’t much of an exaggeration.

First, there is our new door man, Art. On Art’s first day, I passed by his desk and he jumped out of his chair, came around his desk, began walking next to me and introduced himself. I was slighlty taken aback at this, but brushed it off and was apparently too friendly to Art. He seemed to think that we became best friends. Every time I walked by his damn desk he would jump up and start talking to me. No matter how fast I walked, no matter if I was with someone else (sometimes purposefully brought along as a “buffer”) Art was there. In my face - yapping.

I now always use the back stairs at my work to avoid him. That is how bad he is.

I am not kidding, he would walk and talk me all the way to the elevator and then continue to talk to me while I was standing in the elevator. I would originally hold to door open because I felt bad letting it close while he was talking. I would hold it for so long the stupid “close the f’ing doors!” buzzer would go off.

Gradually I moved to just letting the doors shut in the middle of his jabbering. Then, to the back stairs.

But even worse, is Crazy Talker. He works in another suite on my floor. Again, I must have been too friendly when we first met. Again, yapping. But this guy is amazing. He only talks about himself and he tells the same stories over and over again. He will stop at nothing to keep talking. I have been in the most akward situations with him and he still won’t let me go. I’ll be halfway into my suite, and he will keep talking. Remember Art and the elevator - this guy does the same thing. How about while I’m peeing - no problemm for Crazy Talker. How about when “sitting down” in the bathroom - no problem for Crazy Talker, he just keeps on talking.

Amazing.

Do these people have any actual friends? I can’t imagine anyone wanting to spend time with them.